i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
