I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
