Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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