i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
