i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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