dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
