im drinking this country out of the recession.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
