dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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