Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
What drink are we having for lunch?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
