Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
