i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
