atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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