k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
All the doctor said was why
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
