the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
