did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
