My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
