Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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