WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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