i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
