this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
