if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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