i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
