At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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