She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
