She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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