One girl and one boy is just not enough.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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