We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
