I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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