If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
