Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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