So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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