People in love make me want to vomit
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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