i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
