3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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