just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm at about main and main street
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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