dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
