Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
