i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
