I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
