I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
