woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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