I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
