I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
