So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
