Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Alive.
So much puke
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
