currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
