my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
