so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
