I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
