How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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