No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
