rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
